More Feelings...

I was thinking about our feelings as a caboose after yesterday's post, and it's a nice picture: Casually drifting down the train track, following the engine like a good little caboose should.  But then I pictured my ol' Iquana, Chianna. Her tail, it didn't always JUST follow.  

A good portion of the time it did. It helped her balance as she climbed around.  Helped her steer a little when she swam.  But when she got angry or scared, that tail came around and snapped you like a bull whip.  Made me think of all the times my feelings have gotten heated and snapped up and lashed out at someone or something. Not at all like a good little caboose following down the tracks!

My second son is an avid reader of the book of Ecclesiastes.  I have lost track of how many times he has read through the book.  Whether he knows it or not, he's been a HUGE example of diligent Bible Study and digging into God's Wisdom and then applying it.  There are times I think he's raising me!  My good friend and I agree that there are many times we look at our children and think, "I want to be like them when I grow up."  I digress, but am just so thankful that our children go to God first with their questions and doubts and aren't afraid to trust him not only with their eternity, but with their everyday, here and now.

Anyway, with this example of reading these particular scriptures, I find myself in Proverbs often and sometimes Ecclesiastes myself. There is such wisdom in simple yet profound statements.  Encouraging while disciplining.  Celebrating while warning. But in regards to our feelings getting out of line at times and lashing out to snap us or others: I find countless times in Proverbs where fools let their tongues and feelings get the better of them.  

They fall to lustful temptations.  Are entrapped by laziness. Sucked into disaster by other's selfishness.  All because their feelings run the show.  They end up with destroyed lives, poverty stricken, the laughing stock of all.

And then I bounce out to the New Testament in Matthew 26.  Peter, lovely Peter, is hyped up on energy and feelings, and declares, "Even if everyone falls away because of you, I will never fall away!....Even if I have to die with you, I will never deny you!"  

It's the evening meal, they've just finished the "Last Supper" where Christ has given the example of the ordinance of Communion, they go out and pray in the garden at night, guards come at night with Judas, and take Jesus for questioning.  Now I know roosters don't only crow in the morning, but they generally do not crow throughout the night. And Peter finds himself doing exactly what Christ said he would do at the crack of dawn when that rooster is crowing.  Twelve hours maybe, since he declared his emotionally, feeling-laced words of commitment.   Mere hours to denying Christ.  Letting his feelings rule over him.  Confused. Scared. Angry. Letting his feelings snap out and rule for a time.  

Can you imagine how much that must have hurt when the rooster crowed?!

Matthew 26:74b-75 "Immediately a rooster crowed, and Peter remembered the words Jesus had spoken, "Before the rooster crows, you will deny me three times." and he went outside and WEPT BITTERLY.

Letting his feelings rule the moment made him look a fool as he staunchly declared "he would never!" and crushed him when he realized he "just did".  

I have been there far more times that I ever want to admit.  The hurt could be to myself, my family, my friends, my testimony of Christ, and the list goes on and on.  But there's hope in Peter's story.  He learned to reign those feelings in.  Take them captive. And if you read the book of Acts (DO IT!) you see that what Christ says about Peter in Matthew 16:17-19:

"Blessed are you, Simon son of Jonah, because flesh and blood did not reveal this to you, but my Father in heaven. And I also say to you that you are Peter, and on this rock I will build my church, and the gates of Hades will not overpower it. I will give you the keys of the kingdom of heaven, and whatever you loose on earth will have been loosed in heaven."

The church WAS built on the testimony that Peter declared in Matthew.  Ironically, this testimony that Peter is declaring in Matthew is ten chapters before his actions in the courtyard when he denies he has ever even met Christ.  Our feelings can lash out and wipe us out, cause us pain and suffering, but they don't always have to be the total demise of us.  Peter would come back strong and stand by that testimony that he declared in Matthew 16 time and time again and build Christ's church not on his feelings but on the truth and facts of WHO Jesus is.

Ever head off on the "wrong" track?

I wrote a post recently.  Went TOTALLY away from my initial train of thought and never remembered to wrap that train back around the track and come back to it.  So, what's a girl to do, but make another post!

I was writing about being home in our "recent" (we moved two years ago) church family and the feelings I felt took to get there.  Thankful that God was faithful through my looking back and didn't turn me into a pillar of salt!

This may or may not come as a big surprise, but sometimes, our "feelings" can't be trusted.  I spent almost two years not "feeling" at home where God had put us.  But God had clearly brought us exactly where we were to be and I had to set those feelings aside.  It wasn't always comfortable.  It wasn't always fun.  Mix in a lot of life that happened in year two of this life change to toss some more questions of "what on earth is going on!?"  I have asked, "What the bajeebers!?" to God more than a dozen times.

But through the times of questioning those feelings I had to rest hard on the fact that God had us:  Had us where He wanted us. Had us where we belonged. And he simply HAD us.  Regardless how I "felt" in the moments, I had to trust that it was where and how we belonged. My feelings about the issue had to sit in the co-pilot seat, simply along for the ride.

How often do we have to take our feelings and remind ourselves that feelings don't drive the train.  Anyone who knows me, knows that I subscribe to a firm belief that when God says "Do", you "Do".  And you keep "doing" until he tells you otherwise.  Two and a half years ago we were doing the dos, but our feelings weren't "feeling" it.  Many nights of disenchanted conversations, confusion, and questions.  But never a clear word that we were anywhere other than where God had us "doing" for the past twenty years.  

So we didn't move, kept doing the things regardless how the feelings felt. About six months later and God said "Move and do this."  Ironically, it was shocking in the moment, but we didn't waste time in doing what God said and made the move and started doing the things.  It is almost always easier to see the plan when you look back. And it sure is exciting to be able to look back and see the testimony of an All Knowing, All Powerful, Loving God at work.  Doesn't always "feel" so good in the moments of course.

Now, I've gone from feeling wrong with the staying, making a relatively big change, and then feeling wrong in the new.  Our feelings are such finicky things, which is why we strive to always let them trail behind as a caboose.  And focusing on the steadying arms of God while in the questions.

I referenced the Israelites recently and their doubts and whining in the desert.  It's comforting to see Joshua and Caleb who surface the first time God sends them into Canaan at Moses' command and start scoping it out-seeing all the things God is planning to provide them with when they simply obey.  But the majority of that team come back just-a-whining and scared of all the "what ifs".  God said I'm going to move and you get to be a part of this!  And they let their feelings put a kibosh to the entire thing. Did they stop God, thwart his plans, make him unable to carry out his plan?  Absolutely not, but he certainly wasn't going to bless them if they weren't going to trust him when he said act.  

Caleb, who was part of that first scouting party Moses sent in to check it out, was 40 years old that first trip in.  He gave an honest report of the land and it's bounty while the rest of the spies "caused the people to lose heart"  

Caleb says in Joshua 14:7-10 "I was forty years old when Moses the Lord's servant sent me from Kadesh-barnea to scout the land, and I brought back an honest report. My brothers who went with me caused the people to lose heart, but I followed the Lord my God completely. On that day Moses swore to me, "The land where you have set foot will be an inheritance for you and your descendants forever, because you have followed the Lord my God completely."  As you see, the Lord has kept me alive these forty-five years as he promised, since the Lord spoke this word to Moses while Israel was journeying in the wilderness. Here I am today, eight-five years old."

Forty years old when he was given a God command.  Followed it. Trusted in God regardless what others were doing.  Had to "stay put" because that was the action God gave next. And forty-five years later he gets the reward.  If you go on to read the rest of the chapter (just read the entire book!) Caleb is "still as strong today as (he) was the day Moses sent (him) out.". Dude was as strong at eighty-five as he was at forty!  

Would he have been blessed like this if he followed his feelings? Let them rule his life for forty-five years while wandering with the "most pleasant of non-whining, obedient, uplifting" group of individuals? (PLEASE sense my sarcasm here!) I am sure not.  Faithfulness is always rewarded.  May not be on our timeline, may not always "feel good" in the moment.  But obedience and faithfulness are the actions I intend to always chase after.  And GO where God says to "get going", and DO when he says "get doing"

Home

I wanted to feel at home.  I really did.  At times I felt like I was finally getting there. And then I wouldn't.

As I was sitting listening to music that my husband is leading the church family in singing worship tomorrow, I realized I was truly feeling home!

Change is hard, very hard.  Even when it's for the best and it's a good change, we look back with longing so often.  Example? Israelites in the desert heading away from Egypt, "why can't we go back.....?" with a whine and a foot stomp. 

Exodus 16:3 The Israelites said to them, “If only we had died by the Lord’s hand in the land of Egypt, when we sat by pots of meat and ate all the bread we wanted. Instead, you brought us into this wilderness to make this whole assembly die of hunger!”

What the bajeebers!?  Two months after they were pulled out of slavery, miraculously given a dry path THRU a sea, watched as their would-be captures were demolished, provided clear. safe water, and led to an oasis; they are whining and asking why they didn't just stay in slavery-"we had bread!". (I like a good bread, but was the bread really that good?!)

Two years ago my husband and I were in a struggle.  We had unanswered questions and knew a change was needed, but couldn't figure out where, how, or what God was telling us.  We just knew we had been unsettled for months and something was going to break.   

Within a whirlwind of a few months we were in a new church family.  Exactly where God was directing us, but, as is human nature and a little bit of Lot's wife's nature in me, turning to look back-a lot.  Thankfully God didn't turn me into a pillar of salt!  

I remember standing in church, supposedly worshiping in song, but more questioning where I was.  I questioned if I belonged. I questioned the size of the church.  Questioned the people. Questioned the location. Questioned and looked back-a lot. 

God had placed us exactly where we belonged, provided us with everything our family needed and would come to need and I had the audacity to question him. Like the Israelites complaining about manna and all of God's provisions and protection he provided time and time again.  

I have gone through stages of feeling totally ashamed of the trail of thoughts my mind has gone on: questioning God's authority, provision, and plans for my family and myself.  So thankful that regardless of me, GOD still works amazing things!

Btw: "Bajeebers" is a very technical, expressive word-regardless of what my husband says. 

Song that the hubby is leading tomorrow: Awake My Soul

Sheshequin Shubbery

Along my drive everyday there is a section of road with a cliff down to the river on one side and a cliff almost straight up on the other.  Last winter I was mesmerized by the ice that formed on the cliff.  Thick, solid ice that clung to the rocky face.  So thick that I was sure it would be June before the ice would be melted away.  It was beautiful in all its solid icy-ness, in some places an icy blue, effected by the environmental effects on the frozen water.

Spring came and the ice soon vanished (long before June), and in its place were trickles of water finding their way down from the hill above.  Depending on the rains that fell there were sometimes waterfalls of assorted sizes tricking, drizzling, or gushing down the cliff.  

As the temperature slowly increased and the days ticked by, we noticed small bits of green appearing on the rocky cliffs.  Some places it didn't even look as if there was room for anything to have a root structure let alone a good soil to grow from.  But grow the vegetation did.  As Spring slipped into Summer, greens of all sorts flourished up and down the cliff.  Trees and shrubs bloomed and were full of blossoms and leaves.  Grasses grew tall.  And "weeds" of all sorts filled in the rocky cliffside. 

I thought of the purpose of all that foliage.  What was its purpose?  It was just going to die. It could die if it was starved of water, baked in the hot sun. It would die when the temperatures dipped and froze them all off.  Did that effect how they grew?  Did the trees hesitate to flourish because their life might be cut short?  The trees further up the hill would flourish and thrive year round as it went in and out of season, living its life.  Did the plants on the rocky cliff look at the pines further up the hill and wish they were them?

No.  Every bit of green strived to be the best plant it could be.  Sprouting, budding, shining in the sun.  I remember driving by one day and the leaves of one of the bushes fluttered and danced in the wind-simply shining and being beautiful.  God created those plants to be what they are and they delivered.

Come Autumn the leaves turned pretty colors and the grass that hadn't dried up during the end of the summer drought began to wilt.  The temperature begins to drop and ice begins to grow up and down the cliff.  Before long the ice will be thick and completely covering the cliff face and effectively smothering and killing all the foliage that just spent eight months striving to grow and go through their life cycle.  Now they are gone.  Their life, a simple, short season.  But they did everything God put them on the earth to do. 

The foliage on that cliffside will not be seen by garden extraordinaries, no tours to see their amazing colors, their timber would never build anything, their fibers won't be turned into a fancy basket.  But they flourished just as God intended.

It's so easy to look at my life and think that what I'm doing is unimportant, that times of my life have no purpose.  But God created me to be what he has chosen for me to be.  There may be times that I am flourishing, shining in the sun.  There may be times where I'm crushed and smothered with cold, hard ice.  Even if my life cycle is cut short.  The time that I'm living and flourishing I want to strive to be the best I can.  To be a shining example that I'm straight on track for what God has for me. Everyday focusing others on Christ.

I'm reminded of  a few verses:

"For I know the plans I have for you," declares the Lord, 

"plans to prosper you and not to harm you,

 plans to give you hope and a future."  Jeremiah 29:11

"And we know that for those who love God

 all things work together for good, 

for those who are called according to his purpose."  Romans 8:28

"The plans of the Lord stand firm forever,

 the purposes of His heart through all generations." 

Psalm 33:11

No matter what comes our way and regardless of the ups and downs; we are safe and comfortable in the very center of where God puts us!

Fennel

 Today I was trying out yet another recipe for the fam.  Hubby wanted some eggplant - finding recipes for proper gut and overall healing is becoming an adventure!  The recipe I found looked yummy, so I started to gather the ingredients which included a bucket of spices and I popped out the front door to grab some fennel (My family comments often about me feeding them "yard" in their food!).  I wanted all of the herbs and spices to be combined very well, so they all went into the mortal and pestle.  As I was picking and de-stemming the fennel and the aroma filled the kitchen (I love the smell of fennel) I noticed my hands were thoroughly saturated with the oil and smell of fennel.  

Well, anybody that is going to be around me is going to know I've been dabbling in fennel.  It prompted me to think about my life in general.  What are my hands in and actively doing that is evident to others around me.  Am I dabbling in good things, enriching others, striving to be Christ-like, discipling, etc...

Or am I sticking my hands where they don't belong?  Pulling others down, criticizing, lying, cheating, etc...  What stink have I put my hands in that I think others won't notice?

I think of the many times God mentions people's obedience, actions, and worship being a sweet aroma, a pleasing incense to him.  I want my life to be a pleasing aroma rising up to him.  I wafting of fennel incense, a sweet cumin, warm coriander, or hot cinnamon.  

I don't want my actions, feelings, thoughts to be a stench. Every summer the road we travel to work and church is littered with roadkill and leaves a fantastic stick in the hot summer sun. The farmers whose fields fill the miles and miles around us spray their fields with a pungent manure. A skunk randomly gets a fright in our neighborhood and shares his defense with us.  All these scents, unpleasant, and something I don't want God or others smelling on me.

As I was mashing and grinding the herbs and spices together I was also reminded that there are times when we need to be put through a little pressure to get the best results.  I could have sprinkled a little cinnamon here, a little coriander there, but by grinding all the spices together, they were will mixed to spread the most efficiently over the veggies. The pressure of all the grinding and smashing brought out the oils from the fresh herbs.  Sometimes we need a little pressure, a little mixing with those around us to get the best results.  

The next time I find myself rubbed the wrong way, struggling to work alongside someone; I want to remind myself that working together, going through stresses together will only strengthen us all and working together, we can make the best aroma. 

Roux

 Ever made a roux?  I hadn't until recently when I jumped back into cooking because, well, because health and our future demanded I start paying attention and filling our bodies with nutrient dense foods.  A traumatic brain injury and a stroke will cause you to take notice of things. 

Today, as most Sunday afternoons, I was in the kitchen prepping for a busy week and making sure we had lunches for everyone going every-which-way throughout the week.  One of the minors' favorites is "Easy and Comforting Ham And Potato Soup", which requires a roux to finish up the tasty soup.

I start to make the roux:  waiting for the butter to melt, measuring in the flour, waiting for the flour to turn golden, whisking in milk, and then whisking, and whisking......and more whisking.  Every time I make a roux, I'm sure that it's not going to thicken this time; it's taken far too long and it's just going to be a thin mess.  All of a sudden, it's thick and ready to go in the soup; changing the sad looking watery potato and ham soup into a wonderfully, comforting pot of deliciousness to jar up for school lunches.

As I was whisking the roux today it reminded me of all the many times I've been waiting, doing what I was sure was the right thing, but nothing seemed to be happening.  Waiting, anticipating, wondering, and more waiting for God to show me what the end result is.  All of sudden it's there, the wait is complete, the work is complete, and I'm left wondering why on earth I doubted God and His process at all.  Like the roux, watery and thin, I doubt that it's ever going to thicken. Then I turn around and the work that God has been doing is ready for it's next venture.  Sometimes the venture is huge and sometimes it seems small.  But regardless of my assessment on the subject, God is faithful and His timing is perfect.

I was recently reminded of God's timing and not my own while studying Acts.  It's so easy to read Scripture and put our own timeline on things.  A simple day or week from one chapter to another as we aimlessly read.  But a little deeper study and spans of time start showing.  In the second chapter of Acts when they are gathering together and Pentecost had arrived it had been fifty days since Passover and Christ's resurrection. 

Five years after the beginning of God's Church, the Jewish religious rulers, including a guy named Saul, stone Stephen, creating the first martyr of the Church.  Five years the Church had been growing and spreading throughout Jerusalem, while a mere eight chapters of Biblical truths, healings, and persecutions have been shared.  

Persecution breaks out in large, Christians scatter and take God's Truth wherever they spread to.  Saul is threatening Christians and heads out on a "Politically Sanctioned" vendetta, only to have God stop him in his tracks.  He gets some hardcore discipleship and must have had an uphill battle of trying to persuade the Christians he wasn't there for their heads.  In Acts 9:22-26 we surprisingly have THREE years that have passed in three short verses.  

The rest of chapter nine, ten, and a good portion of eleven has the Apostles quite busy:  Peter's seeing visions, Gentiles are seeing visions, God's laying out facts for the new church.  But reading the Scripture without studying it, it's all in a simple blink. 

End of chapter eleven and Barnabas heads out from Jerusalem to get Saul who's been up in Tarsus getting some serious discipling and bring him down to Antioch to spend a year discipling the church there.  Six years Saul was being discipled. in Tarsus.  Six years the church has been growing, learning, teaching.  When Barnabas and Saul arrived back in Antioch they spent an entire year discipling the church there. 

Three years later Barnabas and Saul head out on a Holy Spirit sanctioned, church approved Mission Trip.  Halfway through the book of Acts and we've gobbled up almost two decades!  

It's so easy to read and not realize the time that God is diligently setting up His Church.  The patience He demonstrates as he works through the people as he brings things from a watery, sloppy pot of ingredients to a beautiful golden thick roux.  The reminder that whatever we're going through and however long it may seem, God has a plan for us and if we just let him keep whisking the proper ingredients, the proper heat, for the proper time a fantastic finished product will appear.

So, I'll stop repeating, "just keep swimming..." to myself, and replace it with "just keep whisking." 

It's Game Night!

 

What family doesn’t enjoy a little game night now and then?  But at the same time who doesn’t dread a Monopoly Game that just. won’t. end?   Our family enjoys an assortment of games but can also get a little competitive resulting in our evenings not being as fun as we had anticipated.  I am very guilty of just wanting a fun game night with no scores. 

Recently we’ve been striving to make more designated family time for us to all spend some quality time doing things together as opposed to just being in the same house together.  We’ve found a few rounds of Dutch Blitz to be a great evening of “loving” name calling and fun.  Our 10-year-old daughter can’t say no to a game of Uno-any version will do, but she is partial to “Uno-Flip” at the moment.

I just picked up the old classic “BOGGLE” and have had fun playing it with just the hubby and I (of course once he gets in the groove, he kicks my butt).  We did find that the 90-second timer isn’t enough, so we do the 3-minute version of the game.

In my craft supply cupboard are a dozen boxes of Dollar Tree “Tumbling Tower Games” (aka Dollar Tree Jenga) that I have on hand to make holiday decorations and gifts (lots of fun and I’m sure I’ll post about them sometime).  Last week our daughter asked for permission to have a box to play with and off she went to play a game by herself and then to building towers and houses on the kitchen table. 

Getting the blocks out had reminded me of some fun jenga game twists I had seen in my Pinterest meanderings and prompted me to get another box of “tumbling tower” blocks out of the craft cupboard.   Hubby and I have been married for close to 18 years, have two teenage boys, a tween daughter, work in ministry, I manage one of our family’s multi-generational businesses, and sadly our personal relationship with each other isn’t always focused on like it should be. So, we've been trying to be more intentional with our time spent together.

I took to (carefully) scouring the internet for some fun idea/prompts to turn a simple game of “jenga” into a lot more fun for Hubby and I to play together….alone….when the kiddos are sound asleep, or at Grammas, or school, or just somewhere else…..   I got out my ink, poured the box of blocks on my desk, and stamped a pair of hearts on each end of every block so that this box of blocks is very easily distinguishable from any others, and then spent an evening brainstorming and looking up fun prompts, ideas, etc…. to write on each block. 

Hubby picked about my silly craft night as I concealed what exactly I was writing and looking up.  When I finished my creation and teased him by showing him a few blocks he suddenly was a touch more interested in this future game of “Jenga” between the two of us. I've shared a photo of our "Couples Tower Game", showing just the mildest prompt I included-creating this game allowed me to push aside the "ho-hums" of an evening spent together while still having control over what the prompts and ideas are going to be - unlike if we were to purchase a ready made "couples game" that we may find ourselves partially or fully uncomfortable playing.  

After finishing the creation of our ”2 player only-Couples Tower Game” (which is clearly labeled and stored safely in our bedroom) I took out another box of blocks to create a Family set.  Looking up prompts for this tower was fun and challenging as I want it to be fun for a 10-year-old girl, two teen boys, and us ol’ parents.  Hopefully I’ve succeeded.  I got the ink out again and divided the blocks into five piles, stamping a “v” on either end of each block in each of our favorite colors.  With a combination of physical activities, some brainy questions, a few open-ended questions, and a handful of animal sounds it should be a fun game to play around the kitchen table this summer.  

Even if our new tower game gets boring over the summer, it was a simple $1.25 purchase for some time spent with each other being silly and laughing together.  What are some fun things you do to intentionally spend time together with your family people?