Privacy Lost

As I recall my husband’s proposal to me, a “couple” years ago, the details flood back.  The memories of him working behind my back to schedule my employees so I could take the night off from work, him whisking me away, the location and event he took me to, and the moment he started fumbling with something in his pocket during the encore song of the concert.  My delight in the box and the amazement that he was indeed asking me to marry him.  He had succeeded in accomplishing something I had always desired-a proposal I was 100% unaware was coming and a ring he had not only purchased without my knowledge, but had designed just for me.  I can share all the details with whomever I want, but that moment is forever ours, in our memories, and captured purely there without care of how we looked, how the camera angle was, how many likes, clicks, swipes, the information received on social media.  I cherish that.  Now, in all fairness, at that point in history, there was almost no social media.  I’m not sure MySpace was even a “thing” yet.  I DID have an e-mail address that I am sure I used to share our exciting news when I wanted to.  I once asked a good friend how he proposed to his wife shortly after he announced their engagement.  His response shocked me a little, “That’s our private story.”.  At the time I thought, “how silly.”.  Today, I applaud him for protecting his memories and story as our world goes crazy and narcissistic in feeling that everyone must need know our every move and piece of our story.  We have become a culture that has completely given up its ability to live in private moments.  Our precious times, shared with those closest to us are no longer shared simply between the few people in that moment. 

I remember reading an article, when my almost adult sons were very tiny humans, that encouraged NOT stopping to immortalize EVERY SINGLE event in photographs.   At first I thought it was a dumb suggestion.  We had digital cameras now and the ability to catch every exciting, silly moment and new step forever was too good to be true.  Why not use it!?  But, what was I missing scrambling for the camera or my phone to grab a picture before it disappeared?  I was missing the moment.  Sure, I could “re-live” the moment looking at the photo, but was I really IN the moment in the first place.  So often we stage our lives to make sure they are social media ready.  We invite people into some of the most private moments of our lives via social media.  Why?

Growing up we were always warned about “keeping up with the Joneses”.  Now, instead of keeping up with the Joneses or in our circle of friends, we have also weighted ourselves with keeping up with the Joneses all around the world.  Some of our most private moments must now be shown to the entire world to see how many likes and/or comments we receive.  And it’s become so commonplace that I don’t think the current generations, Millennials and Gen Z, even realize it’s anything but normal.  I joked recently with my husband that we are the tail end of the generation that has any privacy left at all and even we have succumbed to giving it away frivolously.  

I love to share in people’s joys and exciting moments, but open a social media app and it is flooded with, advertisements-they work that market flawlessly, and everyday happenings, private moments, precious moments, and more.  But my dear friends, are any of us actually LIVING in those moments?  Some of the people I know who are living some of the fullest lives and are the most content are the ones who post on social media the least.  Our need and desire for people to see us and know our story at all times has become a disease of sorts.  We invite everyone into some of our most private moments: our quiet times with God, our honeymoons, our intimate evenings with our spouses, our conversations with our children.  I find myself fighting with my desire to stop contemplating life and the trees and the fire in front of me as I enjoy a quiet evening outdoor with my family to take a photo because the world needs to see I am having a good moment.  Our inability to exist and enjoy life without others having to like or see what we are doing is becoming damaging to our psyche.  Are we able to exist without shouting to everyone that we are?  Are we able to simply take time to be in the moment, enjoy it, and carry on-sufficient in the knowledge that we did what we did, accomplished what we did, and no one may ever know about it?  Don’t neglect to share your joys and great news, but at the same time, guard yourself from inviting all the world into all your private moments with your loved ones and yourself.  Take time to LIVE in the moments instead of staging them and sharing with the world-it’s narcissistically focused on itself anyway.